Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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