so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
