Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
