What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
