If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
