You work out of a Hotel?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
