My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
