I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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