Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
