its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
