In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
