butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
