I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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