I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
