We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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