a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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