so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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