so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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