he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
