i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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