Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
In America we eat man semen.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
