Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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