Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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