So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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