...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
