I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I need water and some morals
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
