Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
