take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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