can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
