One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Mom said you looked used
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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