i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
