Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
