If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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