It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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