Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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