Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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