why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
