Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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