from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
