so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
