we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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