did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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