i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
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It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
do nipples grow back?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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