How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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