This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
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