I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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