I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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