Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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