hotel room ftw
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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