you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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