mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My vagina just clenched in fear
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize