Your face is a jimmy john
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
