Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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