I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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