wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
