So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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